Girl With Down Syndrome Posts Letter to Doctor Who Wanted Parents To Abort Her


We tried to be honest with them while keeping strong in our faith, but they knew about our pain and struggles with the specialist. When they heard that her diagnosis was confirmed at her birth, they were afraid.

Emmy was taken from me immediately after birth because of low oxygen levels, so the girls met her when I did. It was such a surreal moment after all that time of fear and heartache. She was there and she was ours.


The girls both said that at soon as they met her they fell in love. And it was obvious. A lot of healing happened at that moment. We never looked back to the fear and sadness, it’s been onward in the smiles and joy. Rhyan is the calm, quiet, motherly refuge for Emmy. Evynn is the wild, fun, cracking up laughter for her. They are a perfect trio.”


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About Kat Abianac

Kat is a writer and a passionate advocate for inclusion in the media and advertising. She has two children, one with Down syndrome. Use the 'contact us' tab on this site to request her media kit or to get in touch. You may republish content from www.parkermyles.com on your own site, provided a pingback is made to her original article and she is fully credited as author.

73 Responses to “Girl With Down Syndrome Posts Letter to Doctor Who Wanted Parents To Abort Her”

  1. I am a doctor – a specialist in child mental health and am so angry with colleagues who advise (or even bully) parents to abort a child, following a diagnosis of Down’s syndrome. As far as I (and many others) am concerned these children are a precious gift, NOT something to be discarded. Those who advise that a Down’s child will disrupt the parents’ lives would be advised to find another career for they are wrong. I have travelled the world and met Down’s children who are from every ethnicity in earth, ALL of them are beautiful and underline the fact that we are all the same whatever our skin colour whatever our native language or faith.

  2. Thomas Thornton Reply July 7, 2016 at 6:22 am

    Kat,

    Your open letter to Dr. Death was beautifully heart breaking and up-lifting all at the same time. God bless you for choosing life. Creation has been made all the more perfect by your other-centered bravery in defense of God’s precious child.

    I understand your natural desire to want to protect your child from this “health care professional,” but maybe what he needs is to see your baby. Maybe Emersyn is the only person in the whole wide world with the power to melt this doctor’s ice cold heart, and bring him to his senses (and to his knees in repentance).

  3. Dear Courtney,
    Your story is one of sadness and joy. You are truly blessed that you have found the love in your daughter when someone failed to see that love. I do hope and pray your letter to the doctor changes his ways and sees the miracle of God in those amazing children. My youngest brother is down syndrome and he is the surest truth of Gods love. He has a heart bigger than I can ever imagine. He makes me a better person without saying a word. His smile can bring me to my knees and praise God. I know how you feel about Emmy and with your beautiful pictures I see her wonderful beauty. She will bless your family beyond imagine. My brother is 19 years old now, and he continues to shine when the sun is not out. God bless you and your whole family! They are beautiful!

  4. thank you for writing this article. Sometimes you can’t see the ripples that your work creates when you are writing and in front of the computer. But I first saw this article on Tuesday sometime. Later that night, an friend of mine contacted me saying her sister in law had just that afternoon found out her baby had Down Syndrome. She had been on the phone with her for over 3 hours, trying to help. She was texting me, asking if I would speak with her-I said of course. I text her a few things, but assumed the mom would call me later. She didn’t. I text my friend back the next afternoon, asking how she was doing. She responded saying-” she actually sent ME an article this morning that she had found late last night. It was a letter (from a mom)to a Dr who told her to abort her downs baby. About how perfect her baby is and horrible he is. She is not going to do that, and she loves the baby already. “” My heart was so happy! Your story is completely responsible for this, and I knew that she was referring to YOUR story!

  5. Dear Courtney, What a truly beautiful letter and Emmy is so perfect. I recently moved to S. Carolina and am volunteering at a women’s center here. Your words are very impactful and I have forwarded your website to our director. Governor Haley just signed the Pain bill here, and it is a true blessing living in a state that the governor fights for LIFE. I am from New York and supported pregnancy centers there as well and I found it is so sad that so many governors and doctors refuse to value life. Thank you so much for writing your letter. May God bless you and your family,

  6. Yes, our down’s daughter was born in 1978, and yes, the doctor’s didn’t have any kind of bedside manner when he told me the day after her birth that she was a mongoloid, that she would have the mind of a 5 year old, that she would die when she was 21 (she was born with holes in her heart), but that she would be very loving. Well, he was wrong on all 3 counts. She had open heart surgery at 9, she has had ups and downs all her life, our lives have been filled with many challenges raising her and her older and younger sisters, my husband and I are still married celebrating 41 years of marriage and still going strong. Downs people are just that – people. We have a very strong faith in God, and that has carried us throughout many difficulties, but I would not look back on our lives and change a thing. The challenges we’ve all encountered as a family have changed us and strenghthened us in our faith, and made us more than we have ever thought we could be. God never gives you more than you can handle, and what the world considers not worthwhile, God gives as a blessing beyond measure. I have stood back and watched the way all our daughters have grown and changed by the circumstances, and I can truly say, thank you, God, for my life and all Your gifts.

  7. Your Emmy is so beautiful as are your other two daughters. You are so blessed! Thank you for sharing your experience. I am a Child Advocate and volunteer at a local Crisis Pregnancy Center and I wish with all my heart every child had a mother with a heart as beautiful as yours.

    God Bless!

  8. Truly a wonderful story and wonderful parents. I’m sure Emmy will become the best that she ever could be. Yesterday while in a store I saw a mother and her teenage daughter with Downs shopping and having a wonderful tome together. Such mothers and such children can change hearts. I hope the maternal-fetal specialist that was written to, takes that leeter to heart, and realizes that all lives are precious.

  9. Gabriel Alvarez rua Reply June 10, 2016 at 3:03 am

    Que tristeza, nos paso algo muy similar, cuando teniamos 6 mese de embarazo, la sugerencia del medico, fue igual, pero por el respeto a la vida y por acatar la voluntad de DIos, no acatamos la irresponsable e irrespetuosa recomendacion de aquel profesional de la medicina, hoy tenemos una hermosa MARIA CLARA, tiene 17 años y ha sido una bendicion para nuestras vidas, es el centro de atencion y de cuidado en un entorno familiar y de amistades, estas personas las necesita el mundo. por lo menos mi mundo.

  10. If stories like these were shared more often, the world would be a much better place. God bless.

  11. Our child Chase was born in 1988. There was not much on downs at that time. There was much confusion between the two doctors at his birth because the test that would have showed he had it was never done. We were glad it wasn’t. One said he believed Chase had Downs one said he did not believe he had Downs. Chase and his living out life has brought great joy and meaning to many many many people and of course our family. My wife wrote a book called “Chase N Dreams” that is a great encouragement to families with Downs children and those who have not been blest with a Downs child. It is available on Amazon & Barnes and Noble. This story reminded me of how blest I and my family have been because God decided to put Chase in our family. Thanks for the story!

  12. I would love to be able to contact this family to tell them of my story. Our doctor suggested the same thing.I have an 8 yr old girl that was born with downs and she is the joy of our lives

  13. My son is 27. Well meaning people do ask about him.

    My best description of my son to others; To know Adam, is to experience the unconditional acceptance and love, that Christ lived and gave others. He enriches others, by how he lives. In a world of rejection, he accepts. In a world of conditions, he has none. He lives the omission in to many of our lives.

    Had Adam not come into my life, I believe I would have grown into someone I would not have liked.

    • I will share a story. I was hoping to volunteer at a local community theater. But, I really was not feeling a part of it. The shop schedule was erratic, and I didn’t seem to be in the right communication circles to get notice when they needed help. This and some other things had me starting to feel, “Maybe they just don’t need me, or want me around”.

      There was a young lady who was always there. I didn’t perceive any developmental problems, though I later learned she did have some, and was roughly at the 7th grade level. It was she, who made the effort to greet me and complemented me on my work. She was the reason I had not already quit being involved.

      In God’s value accounting system, academic, professional, or financial achievement is not that valuable. This young lady had scored some points in God’s value accounting, when others were perhaps ignoring some opportunities.

      The groups has since made efforts to improve their actions in regards to volunteers. But, this young lady’s efforts will always be in my memories of this place.

  14. It is sad to know that so many U.S. doctors have joined with the doctors of the Nazi era, in promoting their eugenics program.

  15. Every person with down’s syndrome I ever met was awesome and enormously happy. It’s as if they generate an aura of love and smiles that affects everyone around them. Don’t even get the prenatal test for down’s unless you plan to abort, and you are a fool for doing that. We have the technology to fix any of the birth defects common to them if they have any. We do not have the technology to replicate the awesome personality that is so common to them. Abort my down’s syndrome child? Yeah, and throw away you winning lottery ticket too.

  16. In a world that’s often harsh and full of bad news, this was the most beautiful, life-affirming thing I’ve read in ages. What a wonderful family. I know that God will continue to surround them with love, support, grace, and joy.

  17. I ready your article and it touched me. I am a 38 year old man, father of a special needs son who will be 3 this Oct 2016

    I dont agree with your views but all I wanted to say was each person handles their life conditions differently. Over time all of our views change as we go through life

    I commend you for having your child and cherishing the moments

    My first and only son was diagonised with a rare genetic conditon, so rare that there are 50 survivors on the planet in a handful of countries with access to genetic testing , rest are dead, disabled or lost in mis diagnosis – mis labelled as cerebral palsy or something which the Doctors cannot pin a cause too

    My son made me tough and in-compassionate because I had to read 2000 pages of medical research, inteview surviving parents, go head to head with medical doctors and researchers and come up with a course of action to tell the doctors what they had to do to give him a second chance.

    A chance decison in my younger years made me study Chemical Engineering as an undergraduate major and that was the only thing which I had other than impatience to find a fighting chance for me son… Arginase Deficiency is when a metabolic or chemical reaction in the body is not working right

    On top of that my boss – a women without kids – made it very hard for me in my job, i had to get her fired. It was a full on face to face corporate cage fight I had to undertake while I was researching medical papers, taking my son to 4 appointments a week and listing him on a high priority organ transplant wait list

    My son has Arginase Deficiency, rarest of rare genetic diseases where the persons brain get poisoned after eating any sort of protein, so we had to measure – on a gram scale- the amount of medical protein we could give

    Anyway, it has been a year now and I see myself changed. I never want to have kids again because I dont think my heart can handle it

    If i need a challenge, i think i will go and fight isis and go to valhalla

    I love my son, he was my first one but i got to live the worst nightmare every new parents dreads. Time has passed but i have seen other special needs parents in the hosptial where my son is followed up for his organ transplant

    Some parents have 11 year old kids, 10 of which they have spent in the hospital, some have 1 kid who has all 3 conditions – downs syndrome, autism and heart defect combined and some are worse than the other

    My life will never be the same but if I knew going to 170 appts and therapies a year was going to be my first parenting experience then I would abort the child because I cannot do it for the next living years of my life

    But thats all in hindsight, it is what it is and I will be the best parent I can be

    Now I believe in something very simple: of 100% people in the world, 80% dont care or give a shit, 15 % will actually make your life worse, 5% are the ones who care

    I met all 3 in the last 2 years and as of today I want to be in the 80% so that I can live the life I want and get busy living it

    • First of all, I am so very sorry about your sorrow and your family’s difficulties. My brother has a developmental disability (severe autism), so I do have some empathy regarding how different our families’s lives are compared to others’.

      Please forgive my perhaps faulty observations: You write that you “don’t agree with your [the author’s, presumably] views.” I perceive that your “non-agreement” includes a disbelief in God, and especially, in His being a LOVING One. May I suggest that you consider asking for His help, even if you do not presently happen to believe in either His existence or love? IF God exists, your son is His, first, after all, and He must have known what He was doing in giving this particular child into your care. I suspect, from my own personal experience and that of other families I know, that God knows you have hitherto unrealized potential for good that He is inviting you to develop, and your son is His GIFT to you to that end.

      Please try this: Ask God for His guidance and help. You don’t have to go anywhere special to do it; if He is omniscient (as God MUST be, or not be God), He will hear your requests wherever you are. Just realize that He usually uses human beings to administer His help, watch for those opportunities, and be grateful for them as they come. I sincerely hope you find what you NEED…if not what you want.

  18. Emmy is absolutely beautiful, as are your other two girls. Hearing that diagnosis is a fear of every soon-to-be parent and I pray that every one who hears it handles it with all the grace and faith as you did. Thank God you didn’t take that doctor’s advice. I’d love to know more about your family and your journey going forward.

  19. Leaving aside other stuff, you courageously made the right choice.

    She is perfect.

  20. Below my poem is a Link to an amazing story of Catholic Sisters who have Downs and witness to the “Gospel of Life!”

    UP – SYNDROME

    On the edge of late September
    On the brink – October morn
    A yellow flower blossomed
    A tiny pumpkin born.

    Upon her family vine
    Umbilicaled at her birth
    Surrounded by soft sibling leaves
    Glee-green with merry mirth

    And up above the father sun
    Who loves his wife, the earth,
    Assures his warmth when dark clouds come
    Rains grace round pumpkin’s firth

    And sibling leaves will vine this firth
    Graced-drafts they’ll drink, behold,
    God’s greatest gifts, the patient ones,
    Father sun, mother earth, pumpkin-GOLD!!

    http://tinyurl.com/np4ofz4

    Little Sisters Disciples of the Lamb
    Within this garden there is the small community of Little Sisters Disciples of the Lamb. The existence of this Order, according to their Prioress is “to allow those who have the ‘last place’ in the world, to hold in the Church the exceptional place of spouses of Jesus Christ, and to allow those whose life is held in contempt to the extent of being in danger from a culture of death, to witness by their consecration to the Gospel of Life.”

  21. It breaks my heart that a physician would chose such degrading remarks to a beautiful creation from God. God never makes a mistake!! Your daughter has the most beautiful smile and having a son myself that has disabilities I know what a blessing God has given us. I have 3 boys and my youngest has taught me so much just by listening and watching him! It humbles me that God chose me to be his mother. What a beautiful and perfect blessing you have received!
    Kristy

  22. Hi Kat, thanks for sharing your story. You’re truly blessed for keeping her. May God shower his abundance graces on you and your family.

  23. Love this story. A true blessing! God bless!! I have an aunt with Down Syndrome and know she had made this world a better place!

  24. Emmy is adorable.
    My first “encounter” with a Down Syndrome child was when I was nineteen & a student nurse way back in 1954. I was in the pediatric unit at the time. A little boy ran up to me with the brightest smile I had ever seen. He threw his arms around me (well, actually around my knees) hugging me like I was someone he knew & loved. I’ve never forgotten that. Pure, innocent love.
    I think, had I had a doctor who, after suggesting the choice of aborting, kept at it, I probably would have changed doctors. Not an easy decision, by any means

  25. Thank you for this article. It made me take another look at my four months old baby girl with down syndrome. Although i have always known from day one that SHE IS PERFECT! This article further confirms that believe and shows that other also knows!

  26. Have to say that your little girl is a sight for sore eyes!! ??❣

  27. I am the Uncle of a downs child , a perfect child who has known love and happiness and joy from some beautiful and special parents, friends and relatives. It was with great sorrow to hear someone call a child with downs syndrome a burden to lower another’s quality of life. It is with great joy and great expectation to see this child grow and mature the fun times we have had the family gatherings and the surprise of seeing a continuous child with no real worries is a huge relief to us all. She is a continuous surprise and happy go lucky to be around and now that she has a boyfriend it is a special time. I wish many times I wouldn’t have a care in the world like Ashley and could live my life as a perpetual kid enjoying the special moments. Congratulations on not terminating a beautiful child.

  28. Nice story about Courtney Baker. Made my day go much better. I was born at 26 weeks, 2lbs in 1962 with no baby technology. So I appreciate her story very much where as I am very glad I was not terminated back then. Thank you again.

  29. I wrote a book set in the 1970s before social inclusion and acceptance of those with disabilities was part of our society. The book is about a boy who lives in the rural Midwest and whose family and community love and nurture him to be the best he can be. The book is an inspiring and heartwarming story that recaputres the spirit of the family farm and small town values. It takes the reader on an experience of the boy’s life from birth through adulthood. Although it is fiction, it was inspired by my brother with Down syndrome. Beth Sullivan, chairman of the International Down Syndrome Coalition, gave it a 4-star review on goodreads.com. I wonder if you have suggestions on marketing this book. I wrote it to touch hearts and reach others that don’t realize the preciousness of those with Down syndrome. The individual person is more important than the disability. My book’s name is “An EXTRA Ordinary Life.” Feel free to ask me any questions and check out my FB page. I look forward to hearing back from you. Your article about the Down syndrome girl caught my eye. I believe in the value of all children and life. Thank you for advocating for those with disabilities. I plan on public speaking about building friendships with those with disabilities this fall.
    Rhoda G. Penny

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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